Required Reading

Two Resources I Recommend Again and Again

People often ask me what books I recommend for improving relationships.

There are hundreds of relationship books available, and many of them offer useful advice. But if I could only recommend two resources—two that have genuinely changed the way I think about love, conflict, intimacy, and personal responsibility—they would both come from Terry Real, founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT).

If you've worked with me, you've probably heard me quote him more than once.

These are the resources I return to again and again, both personally and professionally.

1. Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship by Terry Real

If you read one relationship book this year, make it this one.

Most relationship advice focuses on communication techniques. Terry Real goes deeper. He teaches us how our childhood adaptations, survival strategies, and protective patterns show up in our adult relationships.

In Us, you'll learn:

• Why conflict isn't the problem—how we handle conflict is.

• The difference between intimacy and control.

• Why "being right" is often more expensive than we realize.

• How to move from blame and resentment toward genuine connection.

• Practical relational skills that create lasting change.

What I appreciate most about this book is that it doesn't let anyone off the hook, but it also doesn't shame anyone. It's compassionate, direct, and deeply hopeful.

Whether you're single, dating, married, divorced, or somewhere in between, this book offers a roadmap for healthier relationships.

2. Fierce Intimacy (Audiobook) by Terry Real

If you're willing to listen rather than read, this may be the most impactful relationship resource available.

Unlike a traditional audiobook, Fierce Intimacy feels like sitting in the room with Terry Real while he teaches. His humor, warmth, and directness come through in a way that's difficult to capture on the printed page.

Many of the concepts I use with clients are taught beautifully in this program, including:

• Recognizing losing strategies

• Moving into your Wise Adult self

• Healthy boundaries

• Relational accountability

• The skills required for lasting intimacy

One important note: Fierce Intimacy is available only as an audio program.

If you enjoy learning while walking, driving, exercising, or doing chores, this is an excellent place to start.

A Bonus Tip: Check Libby First

Before purchasing either resource, I recommend checking the Libby app through your local library.

Many libraries offer Us as an ebook or audiobook, and Fierce Intimacy is often available through participating library systems as well.

It's one of my favorite ways to access great resources without spending a dime.

My Take

I recommend books because they can open doors.

But reading alone rarely creates change.

Most people already understand their patterns intellectually. The challenge is applying that knowledge when they're hurt, triggered, defensive, overwhelmed, or disconnected.

That's where support, practice, and accountability become invaluable.

Still, if you're looking for a place to begin, these are the two resources I would hand you first.

I've read countless relationship books over the years.

These are the ones I continue to recommend.

And that's why they've earned a permanent place on my Required Reading list.