The Predictable Cycle of Harmony, Disharmony, and Repair in Relationships

Here’s a full blog draft for you, Kendall, based on your voice and the core idea:

The Predictable Cycle of Harmony, Disharmony, and Repair in Relationships
—and Why Most Couples Struggle with the Last Part

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “Why can’t we just stay in a good place?”—you’re not alone. One of the most helpful truths I’ve learned, both professionally and personally, is this:

Every relationship cycles through three phases: harmony, disharmony, and repair.

This isn’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s a sign that you’re in a real, living, breathing relationship.

Let’s break that down.

1. Harmony: The Easy Flow

This is when things are smooth. You're connected, communication is flowing, you're aligned on most things, and there's a natural sense of closeness and ease.
It might look like:

• Finishing each other's sentences

• Feeling physically affectionate

• Making decisions as a team

• Laughing easily together

Harmony feels good—and it's where we all want to live. But it’s not where we stay.

2. Disharmony: The Rub

Eventually, something happens.
One of you is tired, stressed, distracted, or triggered. You miss each other’s bids for connection. There’s a tone that stings, a request that feels like a demand, or a silence that feels like rejection.

Welcome to disharmony.

It might look like:

• Feeling misunderstood

• Getting irritated by small things

• Disconnecting emotionally or physically

• Escalating into conflict or withdrawing in silence

Disharmony is uncomfortable—but it's not a crisis. It’s a cue. Something’s out of sync, and it’s asking for attention.

3. Repair: The Most Underrated Skill in Relationships

Here’s where most couples get stuck.

We wait for harmony to magically return instead of learning the art of repair.

Repair isn’t about pretending nothing happened.
It’s not about winning, fixing, or being right.
It’s about turning toward the disconnection, acknowledging it, and rebuilding trust through small, intentional steps.

It might sound like:

• “I can see how that landed wrong. That wasn’t my intention.”

• “I shut down earlier, and I don’t want to stay that way. Can we try again?”

• “I love you. I want to understand what’s really going on here.”

In my work with couples, I’ve seen time and time again: the strongest relationships aren’t the ones that avoid conflict—they’re the ones that know how to repair.

When we skip repair, the residue of unresolved hurt builds. And over time, that erosion of connection starts to feel like disinterest or incompatibility.

But when we do lean into repair—especially when it's clumsy or vulnerable—we create a relationship that’s resilient. One where disconnection doesn’t feel like the end of the world, but just a signal to reconnect.

What Keeps Us from Repair?

There are a few common blocks:

• Pride: “Why should I be the one to reach out first?”

• Fear: “What if they reject me or don’t care?”

• Skill deficit: “I don’t even know how to repair.”

And that’s okay. These are learnable skills. But first, we have to normalize that this cycle is normal. That disharmony isn’t a failure. And that repair isn’t optional—it’s essential.

Real Love Isn’t Conflict-Free

It’s easy to idealize connection—to believe that if we were truly compatible, we wouldn’t fight or struggle.

But real love isn’t seamless.
It’s honest.
It’s messy.
It’s brave enough to face the hard moments and soften back toward each other again and again.

So if you’re in a season of harmony—enjoy it.
If you’re in disharmony—take a breath. It’s not forever.
And if you’re in need of repair—start small. A warm tone, a gentle truth, a willingness to go first.

The cycle will repeat. That’s not the problem.

The strength of your relationship lies in how you move through it together.