The Predictable Cycle of Harmony, Disharmony, and Repair in Relationships
—and Why Most Couples Struggle with the Last Part

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “Why can’t we just stay in a good place?”—you’re not alone. One of the most helpful truths I’ve learned, both professionally and personally, is this:

Every relationship cycles through three phases: harmony, disharmony, and repair.

This isn’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s a sign that you’re in a real, living, breathing relationship.

Let’s break that down.

Relationships often get stuck—not because we don’t care, but because we don’t know what to do when our needs clash or our wounds get activated. Terry Real, the founder of Relational Life Therapy, teaches that most of us fall into patterns he calls The Five Losing Strategies—habits that feel self-protective in the moment but ultimately sabotage intimacy.

When tension spikes in a relationship, it's easy to get swept up in the heat of the moment. Words fly. Voices rise. Walls go up. And suddenly, instead of being a team, you're two opponents in a ring—both trying to win, and both bound to lose.

In Relational Life Therapy (RLT), renowned therapist Terry Real teaches a simple but powerful skill to interrupt this destructive cycle: the Responsible Time Out.

Let’s break down what that is—and how to use it effectively in your own relationships.

Fairy tales may have led us to believe in the elusive "happily ever after," but real-life relationships often unfold in a more complex narrative. Normal marital hatred, the kind that arises when the honeymoon phase wanes, might seem like a cause for concern, but in reality, it's a natural part of the intricate dance that is marriage. In this post, we'll explore why we shouldn't be scared of these moments of discord and how they can actually contribute to the growth and resilience of a relationship.

Terry Real's teachings on fierce intimacy provide a roadmap for couples seeking to cultivate a profound and authentic connection. By embracing radical openness, practicing emotional presence, fostering accountability, setting healthy boundaries, and prioritizing self-care, individuals can embark on a journey toward deeper emotional intimacy. As we integrate these principles into our relationships, we open the door to a transformative experience—one where love is not only felt but fiercely lived, creating a bond that withstands the tests of time and adversity.

In the realm of psychotherapy, various approaches aim to help individuals navigate the complexities of their personal and interpersonal lives. Relational Life Therapy (RLT) stands out as a powerful modality that places a strong emphasis on the connections we form with others. Developed by renowned therapist Terry Real, RLT delves deep into the dynamics of relationships and helps clients create transformative changes in their lives. In this blog post, we will explore the principles of Relational Life Therapy and delve into the profound results that clients often experience.