At The Deep Center, we believe that deep connection starts with deep listening. But even the best of us get tripped up—not because we’re bad listeners, but because we’re using the wrong listening style at the wrong moment.

There are three primary listening styles we teach and work with in relationship work:

1. Empathetic Listening

2. Solution-Based Listening

3. “Me Too” Listening

Each one has its place. Each one is valuable. But when you use them without intention or without agreement, they can cause more harm than help.

Let’s break them down.

The Predictable Cycle of Harmony, Disharmony, and Repair in Relationships
—and Why Most Couples Struggle with the Last Part

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “Why can’t we just stay in a good place?”—you’re not alone. One of the most helpful truths I’ve learned, both professionally and personally, is this:

Every relationship cycles through three phases: harmony, disharmony, and repair.

This isn’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s a sign that you’re in a real, living, breathing relationship.

Let’s break that down.

We’ve all been there—moments when something our partner says or does rubs us the wrong way. We want to speak up, but it either comes out in a way that starts a fight, or we swallow it down to “keep the peace,” only to feel more distant and resentful later.

Enter the Feedback Wheel, one of the most practical communication tools I’ve ever come across—taught by Terry Real, the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT). It’s a simple but powerful four-step method that helps you share how you feel without triggering defensiveness, criticism, or shutdown. In fact, it’s designed to make it easier for your partner to hear you—and to keep connection intact even in hard conversations.